spammer wisdom

I knew it was spam, but the subject line resonated with me anyway:

What you love is a sign from your higher self of what you are to do.

I am currently in a major, stressful crisis, and I feel sad and uninspired much of the time. I feel like I've been working very hard with very little to show for it, like I'm just surviving rather than truly living.

But this week, that's really started to turn around as I've handled orders for my More Than This chapbook. It's reminded me how fun and fulfilling it was to publish, promote, and sell Dancing Barefoot, and put into perspective how fucking shitty I was treated by O'Reilly. I just have to get over that, and let it go. They exploited my audience, disrespected me personally, and acted (in my opinion) very dishonorably. There's nothing I can do to change that, but I can wipe that sadness and frustration away, and stop dwelling on it constantly, by publishing more books like Dancing Barefoot.

Returning to that spammer's subject line: what I love is connecting with an audience. What I love is being creative and bringing things to life, whether it's writing something original that I've written, something I'm making up on the spot with improvisors, or breathing life into a character someone else has written in an animated or live action project.

What I love is creating, and sharing that creation with other people, and I know it's what I'm meant to do. The joy and satisfaction I've felt from processing just 149 More Than This orders has helped me figure out where I am upon this great sea, and while it's a long journey home, at least I have some idea how to get there, now.