Wednesday, May 03, 2006

hey, morpheus, cut me a little slack, okay?

I woke early this morning, after just five hours of sleep, to take Nolan to school early. I tried to stay awake and just start my work day, but I was really too tired, so I went back to sleep around nine, and just woke up a few minutes ago, around eleven fifteen, from a really upsetting dream.

I was with Anne and Ryan in central california, at some place that was near the coast, though we couldn't see the water -- we just knew we were close in that way you just know things in dreams. We were doing some thing that was kind of like the train that goes to the Grand Canyon, and we were waiting in a two-story B&B/motel thing, which was right next to a creek.

During my dream, I was standing in the living room of this B&B thing, looking out at the nearby city, which was across a small valley and a couple of hills. It was sprawled out across another valley, with a couple of twenty or thirty story buildings in its downtown. Suddenly, the room began to sway, due to an earthquake. It wasn't a violent 'quake, so I walked outside onto the balcony to look down the canyon and make sure nothing was falling down. Oh, I just  realized now that the locale was a combination of Monterey and the Santa Anita canyon, and the city feels like San Jose (but much, much smaller, maybe more like Ventura) to me.

While I was standing outside, the creek began to massively flood. The water rose, turned muddy, and began to roar. Then, there was an even louder roar, as a tornado appeared out of nowhere and ripped through the city, headed toward the three of us. I screamed "TORNADO!" and ran inside to get Anne and Ryan to safety, but they couldn't move. Anne just had Ryan sheltered in the middle of the room, while I tried to figure out where we could go that would be safe. By the time I figured out that we were just going to have to stay there and hope for the best.

I turned to put my arms over them, and saw out the window that the tornado had vanished as quickly as it appeared, but when I told them that the we were safe, another one spring up, this time larger, and instead of coming toward us, I knew it was coming for us.

That's when I woke up, with my heart pounding hard in my chest.


Blogger leathej1 said...

I don't claim to know you very well, but let me give you an explanation that might help you profit from this experience.

This is a dream about security, and how you feel about your success in relation to others in the world. In some ways, you sabotage yourself because you don't think that you deserve the good things in your life. Because of this, when you do succeed in any measure, you deep down feel that this good thing will be matched by a bad thing. In your dream, you are enjoying the benefits of your life - your freedom, flexibility, and the love of your family. You are at that point enjoying your success, and you know that more is on the horizon (the unseen ocean). When an event happens that negatively affects other people, you then fully expect that you deserve the same negative effect to happen to you (hence, the approaching tornado, signifying chaos and destruction). You also feel great responsibility for your family, and fear that these negative consequences could harm them.

I understand the fear of success - I have dealt with it constantly. You always get that nagging feeling that if your life becomes too easy, you will become another person, and you will lose those you care about. I have no magic bullet for you. Only the the knowledge that you have a certain contract to fulfill in life - and that is to develop those areas where you are lacking, and use that wisdom to aid others you encounter in your lifetime. It looks like you have the opportunity for growth here. Good timing too - it sounds like you are just now entering the second phase of your life.

9:50 AM  

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